A Big story erupted in USA after the police received a call for help from 16 years old woman, the abused woman claimed she was forced to marry an older man and conceive his child as one of his many wives. The Mormon ranch in Texas was raid by the state police and all the children were taken to state custody. Women appeared on news while fighting for the custody rights of their many children. They appeared sad and monotonous, stereotypes of women I often see back home, all in the same pattern of clothing and obedience. Men were in the police custody for violating the law by committing polygamy. Sara the woman who called the police was never found… This is awkward, because I’m a Muslim, In Islam polygamy is allowed up to 4 wives, a practice usually abused by many men. I have to admit that when married men approached me for marriage I can’t help but feel really sick in my stomach. Their attitude although understood due to their own version of what’s right and wrong, just outline the basic concept of men domination and women inferiority. A woman side in marriage is usually the weaker side. Her life is controlled by the man and by her children needs, she’s expected to deny her needs for the good of the family, which is understood as consisted of the man and kids only while she is excluded, a few nice words would be enough to shut off her rebellion but not a real commitment. Sadly, this coincide with another story from Yemen in which an 8 year old child is forced to marry a 30 years old man, he didn’t hesitate to claim his marital rights for a whole 2 months until she was divorced by court… Only if a woman self worth is not based on how lovable she is by a man she can free herself from this vicious cycle of control and domination… It can only be done by allowing women to find life outside the limited and painful arms of men and by laws that reclaim their rights of deciding their own fate away from the good intentions of their male relatives…Polygamy should be monitored by strict laws and not left as an open right for men discretion and abusiveness…
Polygamy, the sad story of women fates…
April 18, 2008 · 8 Comments
Categories: Coments on News
Tagged: Polygamy, Women Rights
8 responses so far ↓
Anonymous // April 26, 2008 at 3:09 am
Away from the story of this sect, turn on your tv to MTV, BET or anyother TV channel and tell me, do you really like the way women being treated in western media?
It\’s always about stuff that shakes and bounces. always about what women they show.
Do you like how women are being treated by the porn industry? Less than animals and it\’s all legal!
but since all the above is the product of western culture then it\’s ok it\’s not even wrong! Do u see the double standard here?
I think it\’s a hypocrisy when some people go around the world telling others to repect women while they turn a blind eye to what\’s going on in their own backyard or don\’t even consider it wrong just because it\’s their own thing.
Abdullah // May 2, 2008 at 9:52 am
I agree with you polygamy is being abused by men in our culture! And that shows in an endless number of cases…
Yet, whether we like it or not it is allowed in our religion, just like you said… So the solution to such an issue is governance and awareness… Parents should not be permitted to throw their young daughters for marriage, and these young daughters should know that they have a choice supported by law.
Personally, I would not have any of my sisters marry a guy with a wife unless she wants to, and I doubt that!
Hala // May 3, 2008 at 6:33 am
anonymous,
calling for strict regulation of polygamy doesn’t mean approving of sexual freedom, women don’t like to be used as sex objects or being exposed for man’s pleasures, but then they should be valued and respected in good marriages…the west is not a reference for women, humanity, sense of worth and self respect is…
Abdullah,
your sisters are lucky to have you, every woman need someone like you to protect them from abuse, but since your kind is somehow impossible to have for all women, strict laws must be implemented…
Shadab // February 18, 2009 at 7:41 am
I find it interesting, how us the Muslims, voice our frustrations about the Deen – Islamic Way of Life given to us, yet we very gladly, adopt ways of West.
Actually, East or West, location doesn’t matter, but the reality matters, which we “Western Educated Muslims” so often forget to question.
It has probably become a fashion to question the polygamy but no one wants to even point fingers on the Western ‘Exploit-the-Women’ lifestyle. I wonder how the blogger feels when a young man, officially unmarried but in reality would have slept with atleast 5 to 6 women in his lifetime? Is that acceptable to you? And please, do not compound Polygamy issue with marriage with underage girls. Because when we drag Islam in this debate, or usually any other debate, I’ve seen that there is a tendency to throw as many stones as possible without discussing a single topic logically and thoroughly.
Yes, i agree with the blogger and some other commenters that Polygamy in Islamic Shariah should be monitored and regulated. There are abusers in every community and no doubt there are people amongst us who are exploiting this social virtue given to us by our Deen and practiced by our Prophet (s.a.w).
But I find it interesting, why our educated elite, specially among the women, is blind to see and unable to question the West about their women-exploiting values? I wonder? Does a woman always have to be a sexual object, as in the western world? Innocent children in the West, in the tender ages of 10-15 learn the meaning of ‘getting dumped’, ‘getting used’. Did you, as a woman, ever thought about that? Do you want our baby sisters to experience that painful experience from their young lives? Women loose all of their trust by the time they are in their 20s. They know that their next boy friend is using them and they let them, just in the hopes that he might be ‘the one’ who will ask her the question! You feel that elates a woman? I guess one of the commenters above have gone in more explicit detail in questioning our centre of gravity in understanding the definition of Freedom of Women. So i’ll spare that.
My main concern here is, that our educated, thoughtful elites, why their thought process suddenly freezes when it comes to Islam? I mean, how apologetic you show yourself to be when you say that ‘Polygamy is in Islam and we have to swallow it’.
Don’t swallow it! I’m begging you to question it. And question both sides of the coin. Is it more acceptable to see a women being taken in the custody of a man, who will provide for her necessities of life – but may lack in being the best hubby for her.
Or is it at all acceptable to let a woman being used over and over again. And every time, the man shows her the carrot of spending his life with her, probably even cohabiting with her, but just one day he’d come and would say, ’sorry hon, i dont love you any more, i met someone in the subway. Please move out by the time i return from work.’
I am a Muslim man and even I find it disgusting and horrible act of extreme selfishness. There is no limit of exploiting women just for fulfilling your own lewd fantasies.
Its pathetic, how Muslims have become apologetic Muslims today. How Western Education has taught Muslims to criticize their Islamic Way of Life, yet somehow they are totally paralyzed to question of the Western of Ways of Life. Yes, there is a lot of talk about ‘building bridges between two cultures’, unfortunately our Muslim youth is being used to bring the western traffic of thoughts back to our homes, through that bridge, instead of the other way round.
Stop being apologetic. Don’t succumb to every criticism West throws at you. Your Deen is made by the Creator – That is the basis of your belief. Right?
If you want to learn something from the West, then learn to Stand Up for What You Believe In. That is one thing worth to learn from them.
Hala // February 18, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Shadab,
why is it everytime someone criticize something in our islamic practices he faces this comparison with the West, as if the West is the reference for human rights?… and what is the difference in taking another wife or a girl friend when the right to divorce/ abandon is totally in the man’s hand, in both cases the women’s fate is held by the man whim? isn’t it…
Shadab // February 27, 2009 at 2:22 pm
My dear sister Hala,
Yes I have to compare everything with the West, because that is the default value they understand these days. Can’t we go for education to Malaysia, but no, we have to be in USA, UK or their likes. Moreover, its the West who is always trying to mock our values and religion – let us not pretend to be suffering from short term amnesia, have we forgotten what the ex-US President called our religion continuously – Fascist Ideology? Did we encounter it? Oh yea, I forgot, we dont have the balls to do so. Our literary elite, is practically paralyzed to talk against West!
So i have to show our Muslims youngsters, that when West compares their thoughts and tries to belittle Islamic Ideologies, we need to see the facts. Do you have guts to see the facts. Please look at the link below.
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSTRE51P69B20090226
Please read this article. It talks about Underage Marriages being totally Legal among Jews. So do you have enough courage to talk about it the way you have been criticizing Islam for allowing underage marriage? Does the world have courage to point a finger towards Israeli Courts for making under age marriage Legal, just like they pointed finger towards the fatwa of top most Saudi Cleric who said so-called underage marriages are legal?
Why this Bigotry? Why this dual standard?
This is a short life Hala. If I can lift the veil of deceit, lies and animosity from the faces of Western opinion makers, be it a person or an institution, I believe its a cause worth spending a lifetime and protecting our future generations.
Hala // February 27, 2009 at 3:26 pm
The post was talking about Mormon practice that was discovered by a phone call from one of the women, I didn’t in the post say that it was exclusive practice on Muslims. I wasn’t trying to show that Muslims are the only one practicing this. I was showing my own resentment of the practice, judged by the many examples I have witnessed in my own life…What’s the point in trying to show that it’s legal by any religion or sect? If it’s constantly being practiced for the benefit of one party and on the expense of the others, then it’s wrong…I wouldn’t want any future generation to practice this…
Shadab // February 28, 2009 at 3:19 am
A PERSONAL NOTE: (u may delete it after reading).
my comment last night was not directed at you (minus the first statement). Rather it was for the ones who suffer from some kind of inferiority complex and leaven no opportunity to criticize their very own faith without first learning about it, or others’. Had the criticisim been more inclusive and comprehensive, peeking at what all other major religions or governments had to say about Under age marriage, that would be more beneficial. Well you live in States, probably you’d know better, if some states like in Utah or South Dakota, what kind of religious practices are legal. It would be nice to shed light on that as well. Hala, im not pointing any finger at you neither trying to defelect the direction of your finger. I’m only asking the readers (which means – not just you- all critical & sane thinkers who come to your blog) to ask themselves if its logical only to always question our own belief. Are we always wrong? Have our teachings and traditions always hurt us? I know you’d have answers for each of them, and believe me, that I am aware how our muslim sisters are being abused in the name of religion. And something needs to be done about it before its my own sister or daughter suffers from it, God Forbid. But at the same time my whole argument to all of the readers is – yes question ourselves and at the same time try to research and see if you are the only one doing so, if others have been doing it, why they were doing it, if they have abandoned how they over came the whole cultural inertia. I’m just asking ‘us’ to question more critically. That’s all.