How to recognize a hidden, aching need?

Many times, we don’t recognize how much we need something, sometimes because we didn’t encounter it yet to realize it’s real worth, just like a born-blind person who is indifferent to the view of the sea side, but at other times, we actually know how much we want something but it seemed then impossible to happen that we went ahead and suppressed this desire. It’s the late category that can be devastating, because you know it’s there and you would suppress it anyway because you wouldn’t want it to tear through your heart and mind with no point…It becomes harder when this hidden desire that you’ve worked hard to keep it neglected, come rushing back to the surface because some one just hold its picture right in front of your eyes…I just came across someone who has what I longed for, I faced my hidden dream alive at some one else’s life and it hurt me to know how I missed having it, yet I still can’t reach it…

In the Quran, there is a similar story that always brought the same observation, it’s the story of Zachariah who used to look after Miriam, when he found her one day with food received from God, right then he wished for a son, as if by observing this God-chosen girl with those blessings he felt the pressing need for such a creature of his own revived, why then? When he’s already old and his wife is barren? Why did he truly felt that need when he saw the status that Miriam has reached? I guess that he just discovered right there  that hidden need in himself…

I’m in a rambling state this week and I don’t know why? Maybe it’s that aching need after all…

 

 

Who should represent us abroad?

Although pursuing education is not meant for people to be ambassadors for their cultures or values, but in many cases this is how others take it…At this time and age, it’s difficult to find someone who doesn’t know some basic information about US culture which is everywhere, yet this is listed in the international student handbook:

“Status of Women. The United States has made great efforts to equalize the status of men and women in our society. You will find many women in positions of authority. You must give these persons the same respect that you would a man in the same position. You may also notice many families where both spouses work, and the children are placed in child care during the day. This is very common, as women return to work after the first few years (or even months) of the birth of a child. There are more and more families where the husband will stay at home with the children while the wife works”

Now that is not news, it’s not even unique to US culture. I do understand, however, that some international students’ attitudes may have called for this clarification. I met a former American English teacher here at the university and she recalled some of her memories about Saudi students. She invited one of her Saudi students to her house with his wife but he said he can’t take his wife, he explained that the wife must stay home at all times with shades down to perform her prayers, this is the proper way for women to go to heaven. On a Saudi web forum, a young graduate is posting his financial struggle with his wife in making ends meet for their study expenses and their child daycare expenses, another Saudi post a comment advising the guy to keep his wife at home away from men and save the expenses of her studies as well as the daycare, and he was upset that the guy is posting his wife name on the net. I don’t know why those people would be coming here in the first place, away from the fact that they would need to study English first before securing acceptance from a University. Why would scholarships be given to incompetent people? Why can’t they be given to those with some level of education and social awareness that would make him/ her fit better in a different society? … To be honest I wish there would be more of the Saudi couple that I just met in a conference here. A young doctor doing his fellowship while his wife is a fine art PhD university professor here at US. They were exemplary in the way they supported each others endeavors around here and in the way they socialized with people of all cultures and levels. I’m more impressed by the wife of course, you don’t get to see many young female art professors who are creative, socially well-developed and yet loyal to their culture and values. I liked her art work and inspiration and truly wished that scholarships would go to the worthy people who would add something good to their original values and beliefs. We definitely need some inspiring young characters to correct the wrong images of Saudis abroad.

Cocconut Powder

I’ve been roaming the supermarket aisles many times looking for cocnut powder for a recipe I’m intending to cook, a friend of mine is helping me out looking. It was quite funny that we have passed the aisle where the cocnut powder is located twice and we even picked up some items just next to it but failed to locate it…The bottom line is, we definitely were looking for a cocnut powder packet that looked exactly like the one we used to get back in our country or something similar to it, it didn’t cross our minds that it might be packed in a different design… We laughed ironically when we finally “Found” it by the third round, the reason is this particular coconut powder is just like many things we are looking for desparately in life while they are just there in front of our eyes but do not have the same “pre-conceived” look/ shape that we recognize it with, Which made us think, how many other coconut powders have we missed when we were busy looking for them? …

Psychiatric confusion

I usually receive different responses on my Arabic articles, most of the times when I write about women rights…Some of these responses are flirty, some are defensive and rarely I get an objective view from a public figure where I can reflect on what I wrote and reconsider… In response to a story published in the media about the number of cases of domestic-violence handled by a newly founded women shelter in Jeddah, I wrote my latest article urging officials to relief half of Saudi nation (all women) from the system of guardianship imposed on them by the law and society, the first step in empowering the women would be to hold them accountable for their own lives, and giving them legal responsibility on their own lives, in education, work, communication and granting them decent rights at divorce for them and their kids, this was the main system (Guardianship) that hindered the women from participating fully in public and caused a lot of violence when they resisted the guardianship rules according to a recent UN report on Saudi women… So I received a response from a pronounced Saudi figure, the head of the Psychiatric unit at one of our largest hospitals, who specializes in child psychology, he objected on summing the reasons for violence against women to the system of guardianship, saying that this is an Islamic foundation, he also suspected that the newspaper wouldn’t have published this piece for me if it weren’t (exposing defects of Saudi society and inflecting pathological description on it), he went on saying that our media is not objective (I agree in general) and falls between (dark-minded) and (liberals) who both want to destroy the society, (he didn’t mention why though?), and he (warned) me from confusing the guardianship system with violence which maybe caused by other socio-economical factors or other members in the family than the main guardian…

I’m just a simple person who believes that although education about rights and wrong is important yet it’s not worthy without laws that protect the rights, since we can lead a horse to the water but we can’t make it drink… If we gave the men the power over women lives, then how can we make sure they’ll not abuse it? All of those women in the shelter were refugees from their guardians and not from socio-economic status or other members on their communities…

That doctor is the one who’s definitely confused, I responded to his email questioning his accusation of the media and inquiring how when he’s a psychologist in a big institution didn’t see such cases, when I see them on regular basis? many women don’t have chances in education, work marriage, travel or any other choices simply because of the restrictions from their guardians…

In his response, the doctor agreed on my remarks but had this general belief that we shouldn’t be showing our dirty laundry to the world, for fear of stigmatizing an Islamic-based society, and in particular Islam in general!!

The most powerful nations (e.g. US) publish their own crime rates, problems, and defects as well as achievements when they have senators and representatives who may directly raise the issues to the government away from the media…This is a must to do task in Saudi where the lack of real people representation at the level of decision making exists, the only window that can raise requests and alert officials would be the media and this is why transparency is a must even if it didn’t show us as an ideal and platonic society because of our religion, where we claim to follow but at most levels remains a wonderful scripture awaiting accurate and just interpretation…

The West is West and the East is East…

A funny incident just caused me to reflect on this saying, the host families of four Arab teenagers female exchange students tried to sooth their cultural shock by calling the local Muslim community for support, a gesture I thought considerate and mature, according to the rules of the exchange students, they’re not allowed to call their families except once a week in the first month then once every three weeks afterward, the idea is they’re supposed to build a bone and stamina to help them develop independence, not for an Arab girl I’m afraid!! this rule is so devastating that the girls were feeling so alienated (and all were 15 years of age) that their health deteriorated, this caused the families to seek the support of the local Muslim community and luckily there was one around, now the lady from the Muslim community administration thought it’s most appropriate to ask a couple of female students from the university Muslim student club to come along and help, they asked one family of a Yemeni girl to allow them to take her to perform the prayers at night, and that’s where I found them all, every one was looking at the girl feeling sorry and exchanging hugs and kisses with her with great enthusiasm, I asked the girls (from Muslim students association) what’s the problem? their answer reflected their suspicion of the program and the host families, why would they prevent the girls from calling their family? why would they invite them in the first place? what culture beliefs are they supposed to learn about (Clearly indicating the fear of cultural effect on the girls values & religion)…

This doupt is not new, I think it goes back many centuries back and built on history of occupation, abuse and offenses…The idea of humane efforts to bridge the gap can’t go unquestioned, especially in minds raised in the realm of religious teaching that warns from the west evil and wrong doing..

How to change that and how to create room for understanding of differences and consideraton of different needs? that’s the milion dollar question…

So much ado about what?…

So much ado in the news about the murder of Susan tamim, a lebanese singer famous for her beauty I think and not of any recognized songs (at least according to my own records), may God grant her mercy & forgiveness…The murderer is presumed to be a high rank business man from Egypt, according to the news, he hired a hit man (an ex-egyptian police officer) to execute the murder, the deceased has been claiming half the fortune of the business man in a UK court as a compensation after her divorce from the businessman, the story goes back when they both met and he offered her amounts of money (big sum) to solve her previous marital problems, although he was trying to save his money and reputation, he’s now planning to pay millions to the deceased family as a settlement outside court… It always hit me to see filthy rich individuals who waste the money as such…I would always have this sorrow every time my eyes fall on the shappy, eroded bulidings, the over-used vehicles and the worked out faces from hard living everytime I arrive in Egypt, it’s like the whole country is shrouded in dust!!…This man and others have lived off the people in a country where illeteracy exists in half of the population and poverty is so prevalent that an average university professor is paid about 100 USD as a montly salary!!!…What a waste!!! but I guess that’s the only explanation for the severity of poverty in Egypt, someone out there must be stealing big time!!!…

Ramadhan in USA

We’re now living the holy month in Islam, Ramadhan, the month of prayers and worshipping…It’s a great thing that every Muslim share a routine of fasting at daylight and prayers at night, we feel closer to God and to each others…I go to pray at night in the small Islamic center at University and meet people of all races and levels rising and knealing together in a sublication to Allah, it’s touching…Why religion should be always a cornerstone in every person life? because no one would answer the big questions better, why we’re on Earth? and where do we go after? at least, religion would give us a sound meaning to our existence…The feeling that you have a mighty God on your side, who wants you to be the best human being that you can be, and who will always be there for you when nothing around to hold to in your life is priceless…The prayers always leave me thinking, if we could join each other in prayers every night, why can’t we join our efforts to better our communities and advance our countries?… One thing I realized though, that each religion and culture would always glow as long as someone keeps it cherished and alive, just like those few Muslims here who live away from their own countries but yet closer to their religion…