A foreigner and a wife

One of the interesting things to observe here is the combined effects of two life-changing events, marriage and translocation to a completely different country. Stories of young and older wives here who have survived the loneliness, the lack of family and friends support and the cultural differences are quite interesting, but more interestingly is how they managed to settle in or not… I have met a wife who would never stop talking about her memories back home, her knowledge of ancestry of all the families’ names and her confirmation that her original country would be always carried with her and through her children, a young bride who married at 17 and came to this country with ambiguous feeling and perception on what to expect, she prioritized her list by following an old tradition of keeping her focus on her husband’s best interests and I can say that now, after 5 years and after hours of hearing her talking, that she has succeeded in this mission, he was definitely present in every sentence of her conversation. Another wife would face a more depressing fate, her values are so different from her husband’s, who is a long time resident in USA, many years here have caused him not only to be a permanent resident but much more Americanized, his consideration for her rights and freedom is the most significant asset, at least for an Arabic wife, which is constantly weighed against his disbelief in everything she was brought up to belief in. I would say, from the way she described her views of the future that she’s now in the contemplative stage, and that she’d be either there for sometime or in the next one, the taking-action stage, depending on how important she views his assets against his differences in the future.

This was a topic, back home, that raised my curiosity, why some marriages would collapse once the couples are back in Arabia? Would there be a factor that caused the relationship to be bearable abroad but not so back home and vice versa? I would say that on top of the list of factors that may break a seemingly happy marriage abroad is the family involvement, next to that, is the availability of options back home. Once the couple back home, they can now pursue careers and get more money, they can regain the support of their family and friends, and have enough courage to end a relationship that they kept out of loneliness and desperation abroad. There are happy marriages as well, wives who proudly discover the new environment with their husband’s support, they are both working on a similar agenda that involve them both, these exist in here, but I can’t quite well analyze them, since singles, like me, are not allowed in happily married relationships, you would most probably see me hanging more with the depressed side…

The Longing effect!!

It’s a strange thing how a small thing can bring memories rushing back to the moment, revealing hidden moments in memory and time that were long gone, and immortalizing it by small triggers like a sound, a smell or a place…I have been in Ikea, Va when I suddenly felt so happy…Walking through the furniture lanes, picking up accessories, and directing my friend along the sections, brought back my memories with my sister back in Jeddah… We used to go to Ikea in Jeddah about once a month for silly things like a cushion or a mug, but we used to love commenting on colors, settings of furniture, designs and little ideas that would make our future home perfect, we used to sit for a snack or coffee and talk endlessly about people good or bad, about our plans for future, our anxieties and fears…It was always linked in my mind as my quality time with my sister, so when I was roaming in Ikea VA, I was smiling all the way along the long waiting lines at the restaurant, among the heavy weekend crowd which made the strolling with the trolley even more difficult, among the children who created a cacophony of sounds everywhere, on that day, everything was chaotic, crowded, out of place, and just perfect to bring back the memories… Ikea, a place of international business, in Washington D.C., an international city, among a crowd of international faces, I felt right at home, the only thing missing though, was my sister…

No sir, you made my day!!

I’m usually very proud in inhabiting the life of the adventurer, career-oriented, independent person that I’m living now, just for the sake of proving myself capable of many things that I’ve never been brought up to believe suitable for a female…but there are times when being a weak, vulnerable female is just the perfect description of me, take today for an instance, I decided to pull my courage and try to load the Big heavy box of furniture that I failed to assemble back to the car and then to the store, just to make the job easier, I decided not to think of the how part of the process…Of course and as expected, I was stumbling with the trolley at every door and turn until I reached the street, there, and out of nowhere, a middle-aged man, who just happened to be passing by, decided to step in, I started to open my mouth to refuse, but then I thought, I really shouldn’t, so he handled the whole thing and was even directing me on how to stand so I won’t hurt my head, I started thanking him whole heartedly and he then simply said, no, you really made my, there’s nothing better for me than helping a lady in distress…I guess I was too obvious, and sometimes I do forget that I’m a lady. During those instances, I truly believe that there are limits to what I can do, at least, on my own…

Reform is a quest for locals too…

Watching a documentary about the views of a Saudi prince and a governor is thought provoking… I asked myself repeatedly why reforms and change is so hard to enforce, the prince states that change as requested by the International agencies and the West suit the West and not the local people, based on the people around the prince, tribal and Sheikhs, I would say, he’s right. The prince quotes Iran as a country that ended up badly due to aggressive Westernization of life style during the former Shah regimen, but I’m local and in need of change, I need to have my separate acceptable in all places ID card, my own autonomy to commute, rent or pursue business, education and work as needed, I need to express my thoughts and engage in everyday life without a male companion according to what I think suitable for me and not what the clerics think suitable, does that make me a minority?…In the prince’s province, we see women shrouded in black, pleading for prince’s help when stuck in life, we see men also doing the same thing, we hear the men’s thoughts, truely, the prince’s right, the men don’t want women freedom, don’t want change from their comfortable upper hand status in society, they don’t want their daughter to choose their own husbands, to know them, even in a platonic setting, like work, before marriage, they see their life as virtous, proper and fair, the only question is, for whom?…
I believe the royal family in Saudi Arabia has done a great deal in transcending the tribal men to modern times, but it’s about time to look for the other people in the country too, women and civilized citizens, who wants a change, who don’t want to criticize endlessly, who wants to start living life as should be in their country without having to struggle every step on the way, their voices too should be heard and not through traditional tribal Majlis or council, it should be heard in media, in civil institutions through constitutions and laws…Is it going to be in this life time?…

Unexpected!!!

A planned trip to attend The Arabesque festival in Kennedy center turned into a really unexpected outcome…The Arabesque festival is a good chance to catch up with new events on Arabic culture and music, I went with a friend to attend the Caracalla Dance show: Knights of the moon, I arrived early and it was a nice chance to see the art work displays in the center, I stoped at a paintaing of a Saudi princess, she drew three bedouin women, sitting in a desert, all covered in dark blue with each has her hand placed over a mouth, eyes and ears, maybe to symbolize the famous Chinese wisdom, hear no evil, see no evil and talk no evil, what was she trying to imply? women oppression or their choice to stay passive?…The show was crowded with many Arabic faces, mostly Lebanese, the music was nice, the dance was good, the story used many Arabic cultural elements, the knights, the princess, the tribal honor, but the customs and the dresses were a real piece of art, in my opinion the real artist here is the designer of the customs, I was confused when the element of the sea was introduced just to give room for famous traditional Bahrainian songs of the sailrors and the prayers for their returns to take place, I just felt that it was imposed on the whole Lebanese theme, I liked the voices of the main characters, it was a true Jabali’s (Mountain voices)…Overall, it was nice…We headed back at about 6 PM and on the road it started to rain, lightly then heavily then out of a sudden a shower of soft snow balls started to pour…I was focusing hard to make the edge of the lane on the highway, things got worse with the night and the heavy showers, until I couldn’t make the road sides or move beyond 5 M/Hr, I had to stop…I spotted an exit with the visible lights of a police car, several cars have pulled over to avoid the slippery road, my car wouldn’t move without skidding sharply, I waited for the towing service but obviously they had many clients like me starnded somewhere along the road, so I had to wait in the snow for someone to come, my friend never stops talking and in this time it was a blessing, I really didn’t feel the time…I had to take an offer from a towing service that charged me 95 USD just to pull me 2 miles toward the hotel, otherwise I would be stranded there for hours, we booked a room and stayed until the morning, in the afternoon, I waited again for the towing service to take my car back to the highway, as during the night, the hotel driveway has turned into a snow lake, The TV shows the effect of the storm that happens for the first time in 7 years, and as expected no one showed up from the towing services until 1 PM, I had a mid term at night, but Thank God it was cancelled due to the weather conditions, I asked the guys at the reception to pull me up out of the driveway and they did, the poor guys had to push with all the strength they had, I’m finally back on the road and headed home among a snow covered scenary, the White all over except on the road, now, what was the odds of hitting a snow storm on the only Day in three months that I decided to venture out? I would say one night in 7 years, if that wasn’t a bad luck, what is? according to my friend, a strictly Indian Hindu, she knew now that Saturday wasn’t her unlucky day, it was Sunday afterall…